MD Lab: Hello, yes, is the CDC
CDC: Uh, yes.
MD Lab: Listen, I don’t want to alarm you, but we found some small pox this morning.
CDC: Wait— wait what? You found smallpox. Like a person infected with smallpox? How and what.
MD Lab: No, no, no. Not a person. Just a vial of it. Well, Carl found it. Erm, a few vials. Multiple vials of smallpox are in play here.
CDC: I’m trying to get past the “found” smallpox here. How do you “find an eradicated disease
MD Lab: Yes, Carl found it. He was cleaning out an old storage room and he discovered a literal box of smallpox. We assume it’s been there for a while. Honestly, I didn’t even know that room existed until we found it while moving some cabinets the other wee—
CDC: Is the threat contained? Did Carl follow your lab’s procedure on discovering potentially hazardous material?
MD Lab: Erm. He sorta just…chucked it onto my desk. But it didn’t break!
CDC: You’re telling me a lab worker threw a box of smallpox at you.
Carl? What? No, he’s Bill in accounts’ son. He’s been cleaning here all summer
CDC: ….ffs. Who runs this lab
MD Lab: …uhhhh, the FDA.
I actually work for one of those agencies and got a reassuring email from the Commissioner this morning. It was an FDA lab inside an NIH facility, and the CDC cleared everybody, no contamination risk and it’s all locked up again!